lisacraig

    on the 16th of december i got the fucking worst call i've ever had. my sister phoned me and asked if i was sitting down. At that point i stood up. she said she had some bad news, and i know it was only one thing. My dad was found dead the night previous in the family home. i dont think i've ever actually experianced that volume of thoughts and emotions all at once. none having particular recognition or impact before being replaced by another like a thousand t.v s fighting for my mental attention. its now January the 7th and i still don't think i've come to terms with the fact that i'll never actually see or speak to him again.
And when i try to think about it i don't know where to start.

It's like imagining something terrible has happened, and trying to realise it actually has. And i hate the fact i started a new job, which is demanding and couldn't visit as regularly as i wanted to.
I 've been out the house for 3 years. so i'd get the occasional call and invite to visit or vice versa. He called 3 times that week and asked if i'd go and see him. My wynd down for xmas was more like a wynd up and 14 hour shifts were becoming a habit. It's like he knew and didn't want to just tell me.

Its become a bit of a little revolution for me as i now intend to give time to the people in my life you actually flat out demand it.
and not pussy foot around what i have to say to them and let them know that although i'm a crabbit cunt i'll always be there to support them, when or however they need me.
Because everything else in life can wait but they can't. I thought they could but they can't. And then its gone.
"theres always tomorrow" is there? not always. sometimes with somethings but never always. Its sad its taken this for me to realise this and Dad, if i could; i'd say sorry till i wore my tongue out and my jaws disintigrated. But i can't. I can, not make the same mistake.

I've also found amazing support in people i only just know and had an awakening with those i thought i did. some of whom have been amazing. and some (who i've known forever or had relations with) to be the most unsupportive. if  was particularly affected by this i'd have severed some ties. But its also understandable for some people to not know how to approach such matters. And falling out with people doesn't change anything.

If anyone actually reads this; make sure you tell the people who mean alot to you exactly what they mean to you. No one else will. And if they did, its not as priceless as you telling them.
And if you fuck about the oppertunity is taken and never given back. Times a' wastin mate.

Things that consumed me that are ridiculous have come to light, things that mean nothing. The "scene" the "look" the "parties" the "bands". its become some what comical. but i guess we all have our distractions that may seem this way.

I can't stop watching the Garden State. its amazing. i was gutted when i went to a party in my home town and i couldn't get a pill. it was going exactly to script. i had a good time, but i didn't wake up somewhere weird, fall in love or go on a journey. but thats a story, its suppost to be condensed.
Things have started to slowly change and i hope its for the better - it certainly can't be for the worst.

I wanted to be the one who took you and mum away from all the shit. I know my brother and sister wouldn't. And i wanted you to see what i was doing to acheive this. i think you kind of knew. i cant work a shitty fucking job i have to try while i can. i can always go back if i fail. i'm sorry if it seemed like a burden because i studied for so long. But you knew you never had that choice and wanted me to have it.I'm sorry we can't get there together, but i'll make sure i take care of mum. Because to see you both happy was all i ever wanted. i love you

Got a phone call from paul the singer of no1son to say i had a half page spread in a daily tabloid on the band.
Ashame i never got to see it but i'm gonna try and get a scan and post it up.

Anyway i'm flu ridden and sorry feeling today, so i took the day off class, probably not the best idea but if your sick your sick.
Gotta phone a rep for jegermiefter later on about some work so i'll post up how it goes.

Hope all is wll with my buddies in buzznetland!
se ya laters
lisa

Woke up at my friends house saying "f"*k i've slept in again!" at 12.15
i was going to get my lip peirced by a friend of a firend whos training and had to be in central station for 1.30.

i went to see belle and sabastian with jamie that night. The boys mental haha i think all the straight edgers are.
Good band thought, addmitedly i dont know a lot of their work, when i should cause they are from glasgow.

I've been wondering for the past few days about life.
isn't it sad how everything good is a memory or a hopeful forward glace.

been listening to the "this day and age" album, lots of piano so always good.
see you soon

I know its a bit late to update my journal for the weekend but if it annoys you that much: your sadder than i was led to believe.

So its saturday night, i'm hung over from a ragingly drunken friday at my friends house, and i want a nice quiet, drag of an evening to slowly unfold before me. I'm working 8pm till 2am in a night club at the door.
Yes i'm a steward an emo steward apparently, quite rare they say.
We get in work (me and the other guy i'm doing the door with) to find out its the unders hip-hop night.
fine so have to search them (i hate underground techno but the artskool crowd is always good!)
so its fine an dandy till about 1am, then i hear this shouting in the hall. The doors have closed and i go an take a look.

A barney in the hall looks like its gonna kick off so i grab the guy thats getting screamed at whist the guy i'm working with tries to get rid of two women screaming at him. Let go of him to reach for my radio and the sly cunt legs it, past grasps towards him into the main hall.
persuit and a tackle follows and hes removed.
fuck knows what happened in the hall that we never seen,but more guys follow him out and a fight errupts.
they'er out now so fuck them the cops can get called. And they do.
With the front door looking out onto a concrete wall you cant see anything form the door.
When the police arrive it emerges that one of the guys involved in fighting got an extendable batton from his car (what!?) and that someone was deliberatley run over (say again officer)

no more hip-hpo nights in our club! YAY!

who wants to go out an fight!? all hail art skool techno! all hail!

well i spent tuesday and wednesday with the alexis boys. and as usual it was an awesome show in the beloveid king tuts wha wha hut!
Both nights sold out so the place was rammed to breaking point. The kids loved it and i had waited from the last show here (may with rise against ) to photograph them. the pictures will be up soon! on both my buzznet and theirs. Afterwards we all proceeded to the Garage for boozin resulting in everyone being fucking hammered. (i won't can't go into the intracacies of that). anyways 2pm wednesday we had lunch on D.F.C (thanks steven!) and then at 3pm the tattooist arrived to tattoo evryone for the bands backstage! This was generally the word "yeti" which is a character in the film "the firm" with gary oldman. This also appears on the amp stacks which you'll see in the photos and was on the back of the tour bus in massive lettering as they drove through Europe.
After much booze and shit jokes i had an awesome time i decided and had wangled a shot at a tour documentary when they come back to our shores. All in all fucking massive like! lol

[And today was a day just like any other]

I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge
Unraveling with every word
With every word you say, make me believe
That I won't feel your tires on the street
As I'm finding the words... you're getting away

I come undone, oh yes, I do
Just think of all the thoughts wasted on you
And every word you say, say something sweet
Cause all I taste is blood between my teeth
As I'm finding the words... you're getting away

Well I'm ready, I'm ready to drop
Oh, I'm ready, I'm ready so don't stop
I'm ready so don't stop, Keep pushing
I'm ready to fall, oh, I'm ready
I'm ready so don't call, I'm ready so don't call

I am aware, I've been misled
I disconnect my heart, my head
Don't wanna recognize when things go bad
The things that you'll accept
Except that I am finding the words... to say

I'm ready, I'm ready to drop
Oh oh oh oh oh, I'm ready
I'm ready so don't stop
I'm ready so don't stop

[I wake up to find it's another
Four aspirin morning, and I dive in
I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday.
When did society decide that we had to change
And wash a tee shirt after every individual use:
If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it.
I take the stairs to the car
And there's fog on the windows.
(And I'm Fighting the words...)
I need caffeine in my blood stream,
I take caffeine in the blood stream.
I grip the wheel and all at once I realize:
(And you're getting away...)
My life has become a boring pop song
And everyone's singing along.]

Well, I'm ready, to drop, well, I'm ready
I'm ready so don't stop, oh
Well, keep pushing, I'm ready to fall
Well, I'm ready, I'm ready so don't call
I'm ready so don't call, oh... oh... oh...

(but i'm not singing i'm shaking with fear)

Right i'm RAGIN! my bmx got stolen from one of the busyest streets in glasgow, mid-day whilst chained to a bike rack as i bought new shoes.

Its a green and black fit bike, with an enties sticker on the front left fork. if you see anyone with it.... break their fucking legs!

cheers

lisa 

 

 

On friday i met Michael Hargans manager, Allan for a copy of his debut album. But this was no ordinary album, it was an intravenus injection of joy for me because it was my first ever inlay work and its due for general  relise.
I guess that means i've got another notch on the old belt another reason to keep grinding on and on to make an impact or dent in the music sector.
A big, BIG thanks to you guys for continuing to use me for live and promo work, its much appriecated.

    And i wish Michael all the best in gaining ground and exposure in an industry that turns out more shit than a sewage works and over looks the ablitiy of people who can actually write good fucking songs.

please visit his my space account and and him as a friend!

http://myspace.com/mhargan.com

Captains log; Stardate 20/07/2005
Not been posting as regularly as i should, but hey who cares!?
Worked at "the Game" tonight. God. What a bloody nitemare.
Still its nice to know i'm still stage crew after taking a 6 month break from El Academy.

I'm still supra mega skinto so i better get my arse i gear for a job!

Got wind these guys were playing in sleazy's at 5pm today, and instantly ditched my idea of going to the skate park to get pissed and drown my sorrows of not making T in the Park this year!
First time i had heard Jackson, and Chris shifflet makes a not bad front man!
I got some images which will have a gallery add soon.

Anyways after the gig went to th ABC for the after show and meet the guys from Jimmy eat world. So after alot of beer, then whiskey, then beer Jim Atkins put me on the guestie for T in the park!
Fuck am i glad i went to that gig!

Big thankyou to Jackson united and Jimmy eat world!

Well i can only say this gig was worth every penny spent! Even the out-landish request for personal air conditioning units, NOT FANS on stage. Costing the promoters and extra grand! Worth all of it.
We're all going to hell now, but rest well in the knowledge we'll be greeted by a N.I.N live show on entry!

Tonight saw recently reinvented emo champions, Finch play the ABC in Glasgow.
In short the gig was largely disappointing. The sound mirrored that of the tin house otherwise known as the S.E.C.C and the bands performance was at best poor. This may have been fuelled by the downgarde from the Barrowland Ballroom due to lack of sales and the ABC's audio out put.
The show lacked the feriosity expected from Finch, crowd banter and Randy's stage antics.  Replaced by whiny comments and breaks between tracks for a glance at fellow band members. At these moments if one of the band decided to call it a night i wouldn't doubt the rest to have gladly followed.  A planned encore at 10.15 to leed on till 10.30 was also abandoned seeing the band leave stage at 10.15.

Money back?? Yes please!!

But more than anything, please. Please  get this sound issue addressed!! The venue looks STUNNING but just cant talk like it walks.

None the less, infamous industrial pre-madonas NIN take to the boards of the Barrowland tomorrow evening! I look forward to seeing what transpires.